Are Friends Weddings Making Us Financially Miserable? It Could Be Time to Say “Thanks But No”
The Rising Tide of Pre-Wedding Celebrations: Costs, Impact, and the Power of Boundaries
In recent years, hen and stag dos have evolved from simple nights out with friends to elaborate, often expensive affairs.
While these celebrations are meant to be joyous occasions, they're increasingly putting a strain on participants' wallets and relationships.
Many dread the Whats App‘You have been added to (insert bride/groom hen/stag’. And with good reason as it’s costing people’s financial health.
The Financial Landscape of Hen and Stag Dos
Gone are the days when a hen or stag do meant a few drinks at the local pub. Bring back that nostalgia please.
Today, these events often involve weekend getaways, themed activities, and even international trips. According to recent data, the average cost for a hen or stag do in the UK has reached a staggering £779 per person. For those venturing abroad, that figure climbs to £1,208.
These numbers aren't just statistics – they represent real experiences. Take Ashley, for example, who spent around £1,000 on a hen do in Ibiza. Or Tim, who typically spends between £800 and £1400 on each stag do he attends. On one trip to Malta, Tim spent about €700 on food and drinks alone.
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The Impact on Our Wallets
The rising costs of these celebrations are having a significant impact on people's finances:
1. Budget Strain: With the cost of living crisis, many find it challenging to allocate such large sums for what is essentially a single weekend of celebration.
2. Multiple Commitments: As more friends get married, the frequency of these events can lead to a constant drain on savings.
3. Inequality: There's often an imbalance between what single people spend on their married friends' celebrations compared to what they receive in return.
4. Hidden Costs: Beyond the core expenses, there are often additional costs for new outfits, gifts, and personal grooming.
5. Career Impact: Taking time off work for these events, especially for destination celebrations, can affect professional commitments and potentially impact earnings.
6. Debt Risk: Some attendees may resort to credit cards or loans to cover the costs, risking long-term financial consequences.
The Emotional Toll
The financial pressure of these events isn't just about money – it's also taking an emotional toll:
- Guilt and Shame: Many feel unable to decline invitations due to social pressure, even when they can't afford it.
- Resentment: The high costs can lead to feelings of resentment towards the bride or groom, potentially straining friendships.
- Anxiety: The anticipation of future invitations and their associated costs can cause ongoing stress.
- Exclusion: Those who can't afford to attend may feel left out or less valued in their friend groups.
These financial and emotional pressures can create difficult choices for many. Consider these real-life dilemmas:
Sarah, a 34-year-old mother of two in our Good Money Membership, shares her struggle:
"I was thrilled when my best friend asked me to be her maid of honor, but the hen do she's planning is going to cost nearly £1,000. That's half of what we've saved for our family holiday. I'm torn between celebrating this once-in-a-lifetime event with her and disappointing my kids. It feels like I'm being forced to choose between my best friend and my family, and it's breaking my heart."
Meanwhile, Alex, a 28-year-old single professional, faces a different but equally challenging decision:
"I've been invited to three hen dos this year, and just one of them costs more than £800. It's either I attend this one extravagant party or I maintain my social life for the next few months. I love my friend, but I can't help feeling resentful. Why should I have to put my own life on hold just because she's getting married? It makes me feel like my own experiences and financial goals are somehow less valid because I'm single."
These personal accounts highlight the complex emotions and difficult choices that many face when it comes to modern hen and stag dos. They underscore the need for open conversations about expectations and financial realities among friends.
The Power of Boundaries
Given these challenges, it's crucial to discuss the importance of setting boundaries. Here's how we can approach this:
1. Be Honest About Your Budget: Embrace the concept of 'loud budgeting'. Be open about what you can and cannot afford. It's okay to say, "I'd love to celebrate with you, but my budget for this is X."
2. Suggest Alternatives: If you're organising, consider offering a range of options at different price points. This allows everyone to participate in a way that suits their budget.
3. Prioritise: It's okay to be selective about which events you attend. Choose the ones that mean the most to you and align with your financial situation.
4. Communicate Early: If you're the bride or groom, give your friends plenty of notice about potential plans. This allows them to budget and plan accordingly.
5. Respect Others' Decisions: If someone declines due to financial reasons, respect their decision without making them feel guilty.
6. Focus on Meaning, Not Money: Remember that the value of these celebrations lies in the connections and memories, not the amount spent.
7. Create a Separate Savings Fund: If you know you have several weddings coming up, start a dedicated savings account to spread the cost over time.
Moving Forward
As we navigate this new landscape of pre-wedding celebrations, it's essential to find a balance between honoring traditions and maintaining financial health. By opening up conversations about costs and setting clear boundaries, we can ensure that these events remain what they're meant to be – joyous occasions that bring people together, rather than sources of financial stress and social pressure.
Remember, true friends will understand and appreciate your honesty. By advocating for yourself and others, you're contributing to a more inclusive and sustainable celebration culture. After all, the strongest friendships are built on mutual respect, understanding, and support – both emotional and financial.
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